The advance guard of the crazed masses.
In your face journalism from the outback of purgatory. Still free! 9/29/1999
"Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community."
-Anthony J. D'Angelo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, it's been more than a month since last weeks La Honda Extremist and there is a lot to talk about. We've been able to furnish the office across from A.J.'s, but we still need donations of equipment and large sums of cash. (unmarked bills please, wrapped in brown paper bags and delivered in the dead of night, if you would.)
I don't think any one showed up for the Garbage Parade, though I'm not sure, I wasn't there. Later in the week, with a little prodding from the constable, folks collected bags of trash on their own. I collected all the aluminum cans that one person could. center. To pay for the first issue ($20).
By the way, this newspaper is not affiliated with the One Person Can. Center. I personally don't believe that one person can. The statement is an immense oversimplification of the process of life.
For instance; one person can't if they ain't got the gumption or don't avail themselves of the opportunity.
The real problem is that, although potentially one person can, that person turns out to be ME!! Damn it, Jim!!
And what's worse, it always was and always will be ONLY ME that can or did. And I can't hide from that! If you see me around town, then tell me; "Bryan, Get off your ass and you can change the world!" On second thought, strike that. If you see me, the importance of safety should be emphasized?but that's another issue.
"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Let us then give credit to some of them that could and did. Extremist reporters on the scene tell me that a massive effort went into cleaning Corvair Park. Mike, Ian, Joey, Luke, James, Nathan, Garret, Jarred, Tasha, EVERYONE was there, except YOU and a few others!
But the town is for trash again. Now we've got a new idea, The Magic Garbage Treasure Hunt (for Big Money!!) We need sponsors to pitch in 50$ to clean the town. That is prize money to anyone that finds the piece of "Magic Garbage." Only the Official Garbage Master knows which particular piece of garbage is the right one, identified the night before. Contestants go and collect trash to be examined by the trash master. Prizes for volume. I don't know. Maybe no one cares.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you remember that we mentioned monthly clubhouse pot luck dinners? Well go and dust off your potato salad recipe, because Sunday the 24 of October, we will socialize, organize, strategize and eat pie, at the clubhouse. Personally, I am a very busy man so I'll be there just for the pie. But when the pie runs out, I would like to establish the University of La Honda. We need a University here. Anyway mark your calendars, stock up on mayo and keep your kids off the streets on October the 24.
What was I talking about?
Oh! And what about that La Honda Bus? Well, I sent the letter (Printed in issue #1) to the county supervisor, a Mr. Richard Gordon, and after three weeks of no response whatsoever, I decided to phone him. A charming receptionist took my call and informed me that the supes have nothing to do with the bus system. "NEVER MIND."
It's Samtrans, some faceless heartless beurocracy in a building with no signs in front. So I phoned Samtrans and a pleasant receptionist took my call. She said that they don't do La Honda because 84 is too twisty and the busses too big. And besides, she said cryptically, "There is a group or association out there that doesn't want any bus." The kids? What do you think?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PGE pays Cash!
That's right, cash to you if their electricity has fried your appliance. Without getting too technical, let me give you, the reader, a layman's low down birds eye view, on the scoop. It seems that all, or many, of our appliances should be running a kind of electricity called 110. Don't ask me why, I haven't got the foggiest idea. (My jeans are 501, if that helps.)
Anyway the Pee Genie is sending their product over here, seemingly misrepresenting it as 110. What we are actually getting ranges from what-have-you to something else, way above what your stuff should be dealing with. That's why we have a lot of burnout's in this town, appliance wise. I am trying to tell you that some locals may have fried their wires! Don't take that wrong. I know my mental appliances are sparking just trying to get through this paragraph.
Did I mention that I'm not going to get too technical here?
Anyway, lemmie boil the whole enchilada down to a nutshell. A Mr. Craig Prankster has reported that PG&E fried his refrigerator in just such a manor, and that they paid him the price of the fridge, no questions asked! Ask him.
I saw a poster about a barn raising shindig to build something at the playground OCT 2. I don't know, no one tells me anything. But I guess the adults had to jump through a lot of hoops to build a playground. Now its time to re-create those hoops for real. Or something.
"Before you speak, think: Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it improve on the silence?" -Anonymous
I was going to do an Interview with a sheriff or two but I chickened out. Everyone in town that I talked to said they were good and reasonable folks. So that's ok with me. Maybe later.
PLEASE CONSIDER THE SERVICES OF OUR SPONSORS
Crystal Clear Long-distance calling for $75 PER MONTH, 24/7!! Talk Long Distance ANYWHERE in the USA, day and night, for a month! $75!! (I thought nobody could talk nonstop 24/7 until I came to this town.) Call NYC and leave it off the hook. Put your phone on the out side of your house. Get the service for your neighbor's mother in law. Whatever! I don't care! You will have the same LD Bill every month; $75!! Download all the info & forms @ Http://www.fixedrate-longdistance.com/members/12331/
Call me. 650-747-9706. Recorded Info @ 512-404-1261 Business's Welcome!
Next week maybe we will have a section about "Who Rules?" Is it really Metallica as youth would have us believe? Or are faceless autocrat's pulling the strings on community policy? How do community issues get decided here in greater La Honda and it's satellites? What is a Guild? Where does a Superintendent come from? Who rules the schools? (Is it really Metallica?) Who is responsible for this Extremist Rant? (See Disclaimer below)
Apple Jack's Inn. La Honda. 650-747-0331 8790 HWY 84.
Happy hour 4:00 PM - 7:00 PM Mon - Fri. Get you ready for AJ's Halloween Costume Party. Sat. Oct. 30 Featuring The Gary Gates Band. Always FREE Gun Sodas for Designated Drivers.
Opinion and Editorial Page. =====================================================
ASK THE DR. Email: beephd@hotmail.com
Dear Dr.
No matter what I do, or what my intentions are, I always manage to mess things up. Do you have any suggestions? From, Screwup
Dear Screwup,
First of all I think an attitude readjustment is in order. It is not possible for EVERYTHING that you do to have a negative outcome. Stop beating yourself up and feeling sorry for yourself and get off your butt and make things happen. Look at those times where things did go smoothly. Try and figure out what you did in those situations and then apply them to future ones. Also it never hurts to have a game plan and then FOLLOW IT! Make lists and cross things off when they are complete. This little tool is extremely satisfying and allows you to see what type of progress you have made. It also helps you to stay focused and on task. Finally, there is no replacement for a positive attitude. Remember, if you want something done right, you must do it yourself. And if you can't count on yourself, well, you have more problems than poor self-esteem and a persecution syndrome! Good luck and buck up screwup!
Your friend, The Dr.
The Merry Prankster Café 650-747-0660
8865 HWY 84 La Honda CA 94020 http://www.scruz.net/~prankstr/Pages/pranksterpge.html Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and live Bluegrass to boot. Proud sponsors of The La Honda Bluegrass Fair Oct. 2 1999. Too many bands to list. Http:www.scbs.org
Did you miss the last issue? No Prob Bob! You can pick up copies of issue #1 at the Merry Prankster bar. And always online @ www.webz.com/zanzabar/
Disclaimer: None of what exudes from The La Honda Extremist is, or could be, true. The enlightened reader will be wise to treat this media empire as mere cultural flotsam, a curiosity and nothing more. To be sure; "...a tale told by an idiot; full of sound and fury, but signifying nothing." -Bill Shakespeare. Your challenge is to remain Happy, regardless of The La Honda Extremist.
The La Honda Extremist. VOL. 1, #2. 9/29/99. Published now and then. Publisher, Editor, Copy Boy and Cub Reporter; Bryan McMahon. Contributing writers; The Dr. Circulation; were gonna do about 500 to start. Articles for submission should be sent to our dominatrix. Anything else should be sent to; E-mail; au@utility.net Phone; 650-747-9706 More Extremist articles are in the web version; Http://www.webz.com/zanzabar/ Bye Bye.
