Hello, My name is Bryan and I will be your host for this, the first issue of The La Honda Extremist! This paper heralds the grand opening of our quickly emerging multi media empire. But maybe I've gotten ahead of myself.
The Extremist will be online. In the near future, look for "The Breakfast Show" via web cam every morning. It's a local talk show with no content to speak of. "You won't be able to tell the guests from the hosts."
We will also carry regular features like; "Ask the Doctor" We have DR's standing by! "The World in Briefs" Bryan's personal bent on culture and the unknown! "Crassfire"; an opportunity to air your neighbors dirty laundry.
Today we tackle two major issues; the lack of public transportation in this two bit, jerk water town and The Sunday Garbage Parade!
Ronnie wants a bus!
It's easy to get stuck in La Honda, and if you're a kid without a car, the isolation can be oppressive. Everybody knows this is nowhere.
Of course, there has been talk over the years, that has amounted to little more than talk, about bringing Public Transportation here to La Honda.
But this time, the local youths have taken up the cause. Led by a Mr. "Ronnie", they have penned a demand to the county supervisor, a Mr. Richard Gordon, and garnered a hefty number of signatures. So it is that a populist movement of sorts has begun around an idea with far reaching implications.
The La Honda Extremist has agreed to publish the letter and any response it may elicit. In fact, we will continue to politely prod our representatives until we do get a response.
There have been times in the past when some of the staff here have quietly wondered to themselves; "What do we pay these guys for anyway?!"
Dear Mr. Gordon, County Supervisor,
Us kids really need a bus out here in La Honda. If we had a bus we could go over the hill and do something, maybe even get a job. I know there are a lot of people that would ride the bus from here. It could be a little shuttle bus and wouldn't cost too much. Mr. Gordon, we could really use a bus.
We put that letter in an envelope and sent it off to the County Supervisor Mr. Richard Gordon, along with a copy of this article before it went to press. We are going to stir up some responsible civic activism! Nothing else to do.
A PIG STY!!!
Some say the local drunks are to blame, and some say it's the skateboarders. I think it's the local drunken skateboarders that are dumping all the garbage and trash everywhere! Like at the bridge and on the road.
I personally don't care who spews their waste paper & containers like so much flatulence, it's a matter of free speech to speak your mind with garbage.
On the other hand, the town is looking like a Pig Sty, someone has to clean it up & I guess it's going to be ME & YOU! So here's the deal.
We meet 10:00 on Sunday morning, 8/1/99, at the Garden Steps. After a short safety meeting, I will be passing out and dispensing garbage bags to anyone that wants to pick up trash around town.
No competition, no rewards. That's the sad and ugly truth about community service.
If you would like to cause confusion, please get in contact with me, Bryan McMahon at; ab91@netscape.net or sometimes you can catch me wandering aimlessly in town.
Benchmarks and Yardbirds
I noticed that the bench in front of the store has been removed, presumably to shoo away drunken and libelous kids and I can understand that. But eliminating the niceties of the village to discourage the bad element is counterproductive.
Did you "Hang" when you were young? Where would you hang if you were a kid in this town?
The under utilization of the clubhouse is really spectacular! With no bus to anywhere, the kids wait on the bridge guard rail till they are old enough to wait on AJ's porch.
Could any of this have a rippling social effect? Are community dynamics interconnected? Am I a somnambulist or is everyone else? What do you think?
Notes to Myself.
The Extremist will be sponsoring an informal community dinner each month at the clubhouse. The first one is on 8/??/99. At that gathering we will introduce; "The Culture Club." (and/or "The University of La Honda.") Promoting The High Culture on as many evenings as possible.
Films, documentaries, lecturers, university classes on tape, billiard tourneys, art classes, yoga, basket weaving, you know, all the typical fun stuff for community. Why not?
My lawyer says I must emphatically state that the reader consumes these bits of information at his or her own volition & risk!! MY GOD!!! Be Careful!!! This is not for the faint of heart! But if there is any question about our credibility or intent, remember this;
None of what exudes from The La Honda Extremist is, or could be, true.
The enlightened reader will be wise to treat this media empire as mere cultural flotsam, a curiosity and nothing more. To be sure; "?a tale told by an idiot; full of sound and fury, but signifying nothing." -Bill S. I can assure you, I mean no harm.
Your challenge, my friend, is to remain Happy, regardless of The La Honda Extremist. Godspeed be with you.
What was I talking about?
Oh. We are also accepting any sort of resources, content, support and paid advertising. We reserve the right to do nothing at all with anything that may be offered.
Articles for submission should be sent to our dominatrix. Anything else should be sent to;
The La Honda Extremist! au@utility.net PO 365 L.H. CA. 94020 http://lahonda.org/extremist Weakly published, periodically. Vol. 1.1 7/30/99 Circulation: 100.
Editor, Copy Boy & Cub Reporter; -Mr. Bryan McMahon
Research and Contributing Editors; -Mrs. Nancy, Mr. Ronnie & Mr. Joey
Send us E-mail! au@utility.net